Fear

I’ve been reading blogs for years. I’ve fallen in and out and then back in love with certain bloggers over time and as I went through major milestones in my life, I’ve found new bloggers that were going through the same life experiences (half-marathon training, marriage, pregnancy, healthy meal prep, budgeting etc.) and I’ve felt comfort in being able to read about what someone else was going through that related to my life.

Clearly, this is a major reason why people write  blogs! So, I love reading blogs (we’ve established this) and I love writing. I’m not a fantastic writer but it’s always been a tool I’ve used to get my thoughts out clearly and concisely. I love the organization of it.

So, what exactly has been holding me back all of these years from finally taking the leap and starting a blog of my own?

Fear.

Fear of putting myself out there and being judged harshly. Fear of people not liking me, especially people I already know. Fear of embarrassing myself. Fear of failing. Fear of the amount of work and effort involved in starting a new venture like this.

I think I’m finally ready to face all of those fears and put myself out there in my own little corner of the internet. Finally.

Jenny-grass

 

When the weather is nice, I take my dog out over my lunch break to the backyard and let her chase her ball. She loves it. She goes crazy for that ball. It’s actually really fun to watch her chase her ball. We live next door to an apartment building. I’ve actually had residents of this apartment building yell at me from their parking lot adjacent to my backyard that they love watching my dog chase her ball.

So, Jenny and I were outside this afternoon (doesn’t the grass look amazingly green? I just want to roll in it), and there was this guy outside next to the apartment building. He had a tripod set up and he was talking to a camera. I’ve seen him outside talking to his camera a few times before. I have no clue what he’s talking about. It’s impossible to tell just by looking at him. He’s wearing a baseball cap, t-shirt and cargo shorts. Just a regular looking, slightly chubby guy in his early twenties.

I assume this guy is recording himself to put on the internet. In which case, he has absolutely no fear. This guy is standing there and sharing himself with the world. He does not care one iota that I’m in the next yard over watching him while my dog wildly chases her ball.

So, I’m ready to be that guy and face my fears and share whatever the hell I want to on the internet.

 

 

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By Way of Introduction…

I’ve been reading blogs and dreaming about setting up my own for years. As a busy working mama of a toddler, you might be thinking that this would be the absolute worst time period in my life in order to do so and you’d probably be right!

I regularly take deep sighs and repeat, “this is just the phase of life that I’m in right now,” to myself, especially as I groggily hustle down my hallway at 3 am to the kitchen in order to find another pacifier for my screaming toddler that just tossed one between my headboard and mattress and absolutely will not go back to sleep until she has that little piece rubber back in her mouth. Notice I said my headboard and mattress. Now,  I’m not against co-sleeping and I certainly love snuggling with my little one but it’s just not a comfortable set up for my hubby and me and it leads to less sleep for all of us, including the 58 lb English Bulldog that also sleeps in my bed but that’s a story for another day. So, she’s only in our bed as a last resort on those nights and you can guarantee that all of us will be sleepy and crabby the next day! Kudos to those that make it work and enjoy it, baby snuggles are fleeting and should be cherished!

I also repeat that phrase on days when my house is messy beyond recognition, I need to call 3 people back, the dog is growling at my feet for treats and attention and the toddler is giving me only one of two options to choose from: 1) hold her while I prepare her supper one-handed or 2) watch her scream and cry at my feet. Have you ever tried chopping an onion (or anything) one-handed? It’s not pretty. These are the days I feel like curling into the fetal position under a blanket until everyone just stops touching me and demanding my attention, but we moms just keep soldiering on, right? The hubby’s work schedule only coincides with mine here and there so he often gets to miss this circus act. I frequently envy him (and maybe resent him just a little) when he comes home to supper on the stove and a happy, fed and bathed child to snuggle before her bedtime. Ugh.

If the scenarios above resonate with you and you like drinking wine (or coffee or Diet Coke), I think we should be friends. Can we be friends? I don’t really have time to make friends the normal way anymore and I think my coworkers (as great as they are) can get a little tired of me after 8 hours a day so how about it? I’ve been told I can be a little intimidating at first but I think that’s just social awkwardness that I somehow manage to cleverly disguise as intelligence. Crazy, right?

I may not remember your birthday or even to return your text messages everyday and finding time to escape my home without my toddler attached to me may be even more difficult than escaping Shawshank Prison a la Andy Dufresne. But, I will cherish and enjoy every precious moment of girlfriend time that I get my hands on! Sound like an enticing offer you can’t refuse?!