I play mind games with myself like you wouldn’t even believe. I hardly believe it myself sometimes. I get so sucked up into my emotions and they overtake my thought process and my attitude and, in those crappy instances, all I want is immediate comfort from these negative feelings. Immediate comfort for me is junk food, holing up in my house and vegging out, or shopping. All of these things are really not healthy behaviors and I know this, believe me I KNOW THIS. But, the emotions want what they want when they want them. I frequently give into them.
So, this got deep pretty quickly. But, I think it’s important to really understand the process that keeps me from being able to meet my goals on a pretty regular basis. These mind games send me into a downward spiral and sometimes even into a depression. A few negative emotions lead to more negative emotions and on and on and it gets really hard to dig myself out. It can get pretty dismal. BUT, this process also works in reverse! Some good emotions and healthy behaviors (showering daily, working out, eating healthy, being focused and productive) lead to more feel good emotions and healthy behaviors and, if I can keep it going for long enough, those healthy behaviors turn into healthy habits.
Some of those healthy habits that I’ve developed over time have even been able to stick with me through my downward spirals so digging myself out has gotten easier over time.
I’m always a work in progress.
For some, it may not be easy to wrap your head around all of this and my downward spirals and why I can’t just knock it off and be ‘normal’ and I get that. If you’ve never been through it yourself or you don’t have to fight your own emotions on a regular basis just to keep functioning, it would be really hard to understand. But, I didn’t really write this for others to understand per se, I wrote this for the people who are going through this and who do battle those negative thoughts every day. I want them to know that I do too and it sucks. But, I’m going to keep working at it and trying and it will feel like I’m starting over again and again but maybe someday I’ll have built up enough healthy habits that these downward spirals become more like a bad day here and there. And, I want to help other people feel that hopeful too when it seems impossible.
So, the whole point of this post was to tell you that I’m currently coming out of a downward spiral and that I’ve been feeling ah-mazing the last few days.
I got in a little backyard workout on my lunch break and it felt great. The dog loved it too. I’m excited to keep these good feelings rolling and see where they lead!